Jimmy Evans Marriage Today

I got this in my email & wanted to share this with you   Dear theresa, In the nineteenth chapter of Matthew’s gospel, Jesus had a pointed encounter with the religious leaders of His day concerning divorce. They wanted the right to divorce their wives for any reason at all. Since it was a totally male dominated society, they could walk their wives to the door and divorce them by simply handing them a writ of divorcement — and they did! Jesus told them that they only did this because of the hardness of their hearts, but in the beginning God didn’t make marriage like this. In other words, they were unforgiving men who were unlike God and because of that, they had distorted the nature of marriage. Jesus’ words to the Pharisees reveal a truth that is still true today. One of the greatest dangers to any marriage is unforgiveness. Without the commitment to forgive and wipe the slate clean on a daily basis, our hearts become hardened and cynical. Think about how a couple can go from being so in love, standing in front of a preacher getting married, to being so bitter, standing in front of a judge going through an angry divorce. How does it happen? One drop of unforgiveness at a time! One of the greatest dangers of unforgiveness is the devil. Ephesians 4:26-27 says this, "Be angry, and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil." NKJV Unresolved anger is an open door for the devil. Remember, he is the accuser of the brethren. He also hates marriage because it is the first and most important institution God ever created. Therefore, the devil uses unresolved anger to accuse our spouse to us. Literally, the person you once were so tender and positive toward you end up being cynical and hardened to. In the process, you never realize the devil is whispering in your ear accusations and slander concerning your spouse. You just think they are your ideas. And at the end of the line come these types of thoughts:  "I just don’t love you any more." "We’ve grown apart and I don’t think this is going to work out." "There is someone out there better for me and who could make me happier." Here is what we must realize. Without forgiveness, every relationship ends bad. If you run from a marriage because of unforgiveness, then you are destined to fail again unless you learn to forgive. Every divorce is an act of unforgiveness by one or both parties. The best way to avoid it is to develop the character trait of forgiveness. Even if your spouse never admits they are wrong, you can still forgive. The issue is between you and God more than you and your spouse. Even if you never divorce because of unforgiveness, it destroys intimacy and passion in the relationship. You end up being withdrawn, sarcastic and negative. These are danger signs that a heart is being hardened by the accumulating effects of unresolved anger and bitterness. Forgiving a person simply means that you release them from your judgment concerning a wrong they have done to you. It also means you will in no way punish them for wrongs done but will love them as though they had not done them. It doesn’t mean you should not lovingly confront your spouse and talk your problems out. It also doesn’t mean you have to submit yourself to ongoing abuse. It just means that regardless of what your spouse does, you are going to make sure your heart remains pure. Here are a couple of sayings related to forgiveness that I like: Forgiveness doesn’t make them right, it just makes you free. The poison of unforgiveness damages the vessel it is stored in worse than anything you can spit it on. The ultimate reason we forgive is that we have been forgiven by God. We must remember this. He forgave us when we didn’t deserve it and even died on the cross to make our relationship with Him right. Also, Jesus tells us clearly in the gospels that we cannot be forgiven by God if we will not forgive. Even if we think we are justified in our unforgiveness, He offers no exceptions. The penalties for unforgiveness are severe here on earth and in eternity. Decide to forgive. Don’t let the devil use hurts and problems to infect your heart with his lies. Go before God and do some heart housecleaning if you realize this effects you. He will be merciful and gracious to you and once you are finished you will be more like Him. I hope this helps. Be soft hearted and forgiving and you’ll do well in marriage and in life. Blessings, Jimmy Evans