This was sent to me & gave me great joy & hope that yes God Can Work in Our Marriage if We let HIM
Sent: Friday, September 16, 2005 1:10 AM
Subject: From the Heart of a Prodigal (Rejoice Ministries)
From the archives at Rejoice Marriage Ministries (2002?)
FROM THE HEART OF A PRODIGAL
Each morning around 6 A.M. I check the overnight email.
Thursday morning we had some of the saddest, yet the most encouraging, messages
we have ever received.
The people who had contacted us overnight had situations ranging from a child with a terminal illness (Pray for him – God knows the name) to a husband who has returned home, but is having
Every person who had sent an email last night was filled with the hope that comes only from a close daily walk with our Lord Jesus Christ.
Each of the overnight people knew that He was their answer, and nothing they could do without Christ would change things.
Every one also acknowledged that Satan was the enemy, causing all the problems, and not a prodigal mate. I wanted to reply to each of the messages, but that was just not possible.
While reading our email, I thought,
"I know exactly what that prodigal is going through."
May God help me never to forget.
The Lord led me to write a composite letter to you,
from a prodigal spouse, out in the pigpen of life:
– – – – – – –
How in the world did I wind up out here?
I just wanted to have some innocent fun and things got out of hand.
It took more and more fun to keep me happy,
until the guilt was more than I could handle,
so I left.
Maybe I was not as mad as you thought,
but I just knew that I did not deserve to be married to you.
I thought once I was away from you that the guilt would go away, but it hasn’t.
I only feel more guilt about leaving.
The world says divorce is ok and that I am on my way to becoming a ‘swinging single,’
but so far it looks like I am on the way to being a sad single.
Not to cry, but things are rough for me also right now.
Do you think it is pleasant to be uprooted from your entire life and replanted in a field where guilt and sin and shame prevail?
It is not.
I know, it was my decision, but I had to do it.
Besides, it was almost as if it really wasn’t me doing those things.
I wish I did not even know the word ‘divorce.’
I do not mean those things I say, such as, ‘I never loved you.’
We both know that is not true, but saying a lot of stuff is just part of this whole mess.
You are not a bad person. In fact, you are a pretty neat person.
That must be why I think about you about a hundred times a day
(but have never told anyone that part before).
I am trying so hard to look happy, but am slowly dying on the inside.
‘Then why don’t you come home?’ you must be wondering.
I just can’t,
even though I think about that often.
What would others think?
That I am a baby and needed my mother?
Besides, I do not know how to break it off with you-know-who,
who does not know that I am even writing you.
If I came home, I would have a hard, hard time putting all this behind me.
Would you be patient enough to let me heal?
I am so afraid that if I ever came home (but I am NEVER coming home) I would do something and you would want me gone again.
It will (I mean it would, sorry) take time and a lot of work from both of us.
Did I tell you I dreamed about you and I praying together? It was only a dream.
The best I have ever felt in a long time is when I heard that you were praying for me?
My prayers right now only go as high as the ceiling,
so I do not pray, but I know God is still there.
HE did not go away just because I turned my back on HIM,
but I was ashamed to really seek HIM after all that I did.
I know that God would never allow me in heaven now,
so thanks for your prayers that are keeping me alive on this earth.
What does ‘standing’ mean?
You need to get on with your life.
I stopped believing in fairy tales a long time ago.
I am NEVER going to come home,
but would like for us to be friends.
I will call you to talk about our being friends – just friends.
No, I can’t because you-know-who forbids me to call.
I do not know why there is such a strange pull on my life from that corner.
I could come over and talk to you.
That would feel good.
I need to lie to get out, so that would make you like the other person, so I can’t do that either.
I feel like a caged animal most of the time.
Would you want me home just as I am, confused and all?
I know that everyone in our family must hate me for all that I have done to us.
I think this needs to be delivered in person, maybe left at your (our) door.
I will bring my things with me, just in case I happen to see you and you say yes to my coming home.
I can get out of this other mess later, if you are willing.
My heart beats fast and I feel lighter when I plan how I could come home.
It is like the weight is off of me.
This may be another of many false starts,
but I am practicing coming home today.
Sure hope you are ready to receive me, warts and all.
From your prodigal who really never stopped loving you."
– – – – – – –
My prayer is that you have been able to read the above letter as if it had been written by your prodigal spouse.
Yes, every marriage is different, but after talking to hundreds and hundreds of prodigals,
I know that we are all alike in so many ways.
Our Lord God can heal all relationships, when we turn to Him.
How sad it would have been for the writer of this composite letter to have returned home to
find that his stander had not forgiven, but had given up and gone on with life.
Only then would Satan truly claim another family.
With God’s help, may that never happen in your situation.
Rejoice Marriage Ministries
PO Box 11242
Pompano Beach, FL 33061