relationship behavior profile

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Another one of those “pesky tests”
– this one is from dr phil’s website

 

Right now what I’m doing is prepping
for the time when Byron’s ready to start working on our marriage again

I’ve started a notebook with tests
like these & asking him to print 3 copies of each test (my printer has no
ink until he gets some for me which I think he’s not planning to since the
print jobs I give him to do at work give him an excuse to come by) if Byron looks
over the tests before hand or just prints them up with out paying any attention
I don’t know but I ask him to print up 3 copies – which in the
future will be one copy for him to answer one for  me to answer & one
copy for the counselor to have so that we’re all on the same page –
looking for solutions for the problems in the relationship which we both
identify

 

As I’ve previously said I prefer don
harvey’s approach towards reconciliation & Byron knows that he’s
able to come home when ever he’s ready to start working on the issues
& stop the stupid mlc behaviors that he’s been doing & so long as
he wants to live the life as an irresponsible teen then he can stay at his mom’s
house – kind of shocking to him when I verbalized that to him &
suddenly took away the treat of him not ever coming back home which he’d sort
of tried to hold over me during 05

 

When Byron’s ready to go to
counseling we’ll have 3 notebooks to bring to our 1st session
where he & I will be dealing with our issues – by having the
notebooks already made up for both Byron & the counselor it’ll help
to keep us all on track & working towards the same goals since sometimes I’ve
found talking with many counselors will sometimes go off on tangents which
really don’t have much to do with solving the problems but only waste
time looking at how our grand parents related to each other in their marriages,
the maybe interesting for the counselor to “study” but isn’t
that relevant to solving today’s problems – no need to pay money
for them to do a “study”

 

Hope that you find the information useful

Love your sister in Christ

 

 

Relationship Behavior Profile


The following sets of questions will help you closely examine your feelings
about your partner, yourself and your relationship.

Your Partner:

Here are 10 questions that will help organize and guide your thinking about why
you feel the way you do about your partner. If some of your answers are the
same to each question, that’s OK. Use a journal, if you wish, to help you
better understand your feelings.

1) List five instances of your partner’s loving behavior toward you during the
last month.

2) List five instances of unloving or hateful things your partner has done to
you during the last month.

3) List and describe your partner’s five best qualities.

4) List and describe your partner’s five worst qualities.

5) List five things which you have asked or scolded or nagged your partner to
correct or improve, but which your partner has not corrected or improved.

6) List five things that made you fall in love with your partner.

7) List five things that today would make you fall out of love with your
partner.

8) Describe your partner’s sexual relationship with you, paying particular
attention to your partner’s:

·  Pattern of initiation

·  Frequency

·  Quality

·  Problems

 

9)
Describe your partner’s tendency or lack thereof to focus on you, paying
particular attention to:

·  Desire for being physically
close

·  Desire to talk with you
one-on-one

·  Desire to spend time alone
with you

·  Desire to protect you or
comfort you during times of need

·  Desire to please you

 

10)
Do you look forward to seeing your partner at the end of a day? If not, write
in your journal the reasons why. Be as specific as possible. If your partner
complains about the way the house looks, write it down. If it’s a look on your
partner’s face, write that down. If it’s because you feel you have to invent
conversations to make things pleasant between the two of you, write that down
too.

 

You:

That was the easy part. Now, here are 10 similar questions that you absolutely
must answer with total honesty and candor, to help organize and guide your
assessment about the way you think about yourself, and about the way you and
your partner relate. These are questions that you might not think to ask
yourself, so consider them carefully. Resolve right now that you are not going
to lie to yourself. Propel yourself to deal with the truth about yourself, even
if it hurts. Prepare your heart and mind to be open rather than defensive. It
is cowardly to blame, and it is cowardly and self-destructive to be in denial.
Use your journal, if you wish, to help you understand why you feel the way you
do.

1) List five instances of loving behavior toward your partner during the last
month.

2) List five instances of unloving or hateful things you have done to your
partner during the last month.

3) List and describe your five best qualities.

4) List and describe your five worst qualities.

5) List five things which your partner has asked or scolded or nagged you to
correct or improve, but which you have not corrected or improved.

6) List five things that made your partner fall in love with you.

7) List five things that today would make your partner fall out of love with
you.

8) Describe your sexual relationship with your partner, paying particular
attention to your own:

·  Pattern of initiation

·  Frequency

·  Quality

·  Problems

 

9)
Describe your tendency or lack thereof to focus on your partner, paying
particular attention to:

·  Desire for being physically
close

·  Desire to talk with your
partner one-on-one

·  Desire to spend time alone
with your partner

·  Desire to protect or comfort
your partner during times of need

·  Desire to please your partner

 

10)
Does your partner look forward to seeing you at the end of a day? If no, write
in your journal the reasons why. Be as specific as possible. If you tend to
complain to your partner about the day you’ve had soon after you see your
partner, write that down. If you tend to have a stressful look on your face
when you see your partner, write that down. If it’s because you feel a sense of
dread upon the sight of your partner, write that down too.

Fixing a relationship means a lot more than fixing your partner. You must
approach your relationship with a willingness to own your part of the problem.
Whatever your partner repeatedly does in your relationship, he or she does it
at least in part because of how you respond. You teach your partner how to
treat you — or how to continue treating you — by the way you
respond. You either elicit, maintain, or allow the behavior by your own
responses. Acknowledging your own problems can be most refreshing when you
realize that at last you are getting real about what is going on. Your
willingness to take a non-defensive look at yourself can and will be inspiring
to your partner.

 

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