Some Pointers on Reconnecting

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I found this on Dr. Phil’s website

I know that as of yet I’m not reconnecting with Byron
but I figured that it was worth a copy & paste

to compare with Dr Don Harvey’s book “When
the One You Love Wants to Leave” & his ideas as to the reconnecting process

I prefer Dr Harvey’s advice since he’s a
real working practioner where as Dr. Phil’s books tell you in his bio
that he’s not been doing private practice but was working for corporate
public images & only started working with the “ordinary folks”
once he gained public notoriety from being on Oprah’s shows & lets
face it Dr. Phil’s “ordinary folks” seem to be slightly
modified Jerry Springer rejects due to them not wanting to get as down &
dirty for the cat fights like those who are accepted on the Jerry Springer show

Also Dr. Phil does not have the opinion that Marriage
is Permanent & God Ordained to be One Man One Wife for Life & Let No Man
Come Between Them – when dealing with “Worldly Counselors”
you get “Worldly Advice” which the “wisdom of man” many
times is far too short of God’s Perfect Wisdom

Very big with Dr Harvey is the reason for our husband’s
wanting to come home to us…

Such as is he home to stay & fully commit to the
marriage & work towards improving it or

is he home simply to try be there with no working on
the causes of the stresses which created the problems which the husband used to
leave in the 1st place,

is he home due to him resolving his issues for leaving

is he home simply due to the OW putting him out &
he’s got no where to go?

These are important considerations to make prior to
allowing our husbands to move back home

I hope that you find this information useful &
something to take under consideration while we’re going thru this process
of examining our own walk with God & growing & improving in our prayer
life as Daughter’s of God & as Praying Dutiful Proverbs 31 Wives


Love From Your Sister in Christ & Fellow Stander


Reconnecting With Your Partner

To rescue your relationship — with your partner and
with yourself — follow Dr. Phil’s 10-step strategy.

STEP 1: Open the
reconnection dialogue.

Use your knowledge and powers of persuasion to encourage your
partner into a constructive position. Prepare an opening statement for your
partner. In your opening statement, be sure to address your partner’s fears and
points of resistance, but also make clear that there are immediate and
meaningful benefits for your partner. If your partner can see what’s in it for
him/her, resistance will be at a minimum. Assuming that your partner is at
least willing to sit still while you share some of your relationship thinking,
then move on to Step 2.

STEP 2: Describe the work
you have been doing.

Let your partner know that you have been reading up on
improving your relationship. The key here is to come off casually. Do not sound
condescending or arrogant about the subject. Reassure your partner that you
don’t believe you’re a relationship expert, but that you’ve learned and are
continuing to learn important elements to constantly improve a relationship.
When you sense your partner is ready, move forward to Step 3.

STEP 3: Describe your
efforts to get back to your core of consciousness.

Get more specific about your new knowledge. Describe the
concept of getting to know your core consciousness. Explain the idea that our
own self-worth, self-esteem, and dignity lie within each of us. Be sure to
emphasize that finding your core consciousness has made you feel better about
you, and as a result, about your partner. And that if your partner exercises
this same concept, you can be an unstoppable team. Encourage your partner to
ask questions and to start discussions.

STEP 4: Talk about the
Relationship Myths.

Let your partner know that it is no wonder the
relationship has gone downhill — you’ve both been exposed to wrong
thinking! The myths are usually good stimuli for discussions. Go through them
for as long as your partner seems willing to stay attentive.

STEP 5: Explain the
Bad Spirit.
Let your partner know that you have taken a very
self-critical look at the spirit with which you have approached and functioned
within this relationship. You’ve confronted your bad spirits, and in turn
started to transform your life. Give a specific example of when you’ve allowed
one of your bad spirits to dominate you. Discuss as many bad spirits as you
like and that your partner can handle. Remember to focus on you.

STEP 6: Introduce the
Relationship Values.

Spend extra time on this step. Discuss these values as goals
to strive for in your relationship. Reminiscing here can be useful. If you can
reconnect with memories of the times of good friendship, it can create positive
momentum. As you progress through the Personal Relationship Values, find as
many specific examples as possible. If you feel you’re ready to move forward,
go on to Step 7. If you or your partner feel drained, take a break. It may take
hours, days, or several weeks to ultimately get through all of these steps.

STEP 7: Share the Formula for
Success in a Relationship.

At this point, you should have the formula memorized, so you can look your
partner in the eyes and say it. "The quality of the relationship is a
function of the extent to which it is built on a solid underlying friendship
and meets the needs of the two people involved." Refer to both of your
needs when you are discussing your relationship.

STEP 8: Share your

You are now at an extremely critical part of the reconnecting process. Be
careful and unthreatening as you share your thoughts about your partner to your
partner. Present them in a validating and gentle way. Be sure to focus on your
partner’s accomplishments. Be sensitive, and move through this step patiently
and delicately.

STEP 9: Clarify your
partner’s needs.

Be honest but diplomatic in communicating what you think are your partner’s
needs. Remember to characterize them in an uncritical way. Step 9 allows you to
get heartfelt responses from your partner about your reconnection approach.
Explain to your partner that the needs you’ve discerned are merely a starting
place for further discussions. Allow your partner to disagree and replace your
interpretation of a need with one of his/her own. Stay patient. Don’t forget
that because you’ve been doing most of the work, you are probably way ahead of
your partner in evolution of your thinking about your relationship.

STEP 10: Sharing your

This final step is all about you. You are now taking a giant risk by sharing
your deepest, innermost needs and fears. Have the courage to name it so you have
the opportunity to claim it. Tell your partner what you need.

Here is a simple list of dos and don’ts for dealing with your partner during
this important process:

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