Q3 The Power

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Ok its back to facing the truth about how things are in
my marriage –

 Its 3+ yrs of standing for my marriage,

Not all 3 have I known about the “proper”
things to do as for restoration

Honestly at this exact moment I’m ready to give
up & walk away

 

Is anyone else finding answering these questions
difficult & a bit tear jerky as well?

I found myself feeling kind of hopeless these past few weeks,

But I’m refusing to give up & give in to the
enemy which is what Satan is hoping that I will do, but it’s getting
harder to do every day

 

Q3 asks me to list the areas in our marriage where the
enemy has gained a stronghold, I focused on the 2nd part of the
question, that awful list but the 1st part of the question reminds
us that WE have been given Authority over the enemy & I can take a stand
against those negative influences

 

The enemy has gained a stronghold & negative
influence in my marriage in the following areas:

1)             
the moocher gang seems to have
Byron under their spell to get him to waste money drinking, putting us in debt
while he pays the bar tab for them trying to buy their friendship

2)             
Byron’s self esteem is so
low that these low class trailer trash can tell racist jokes & rather than
take offense at the “Boy” references Byron just laughs & his
response when asked why he allows it is that “they don’t mean
it” or “they’re just joking”

3)             
Mary is encouraging Byron to
waste the money & stay with her rather than for Byron to grow up & face
the fact that Byron’s doing wrong because she doesn’t want to
“lose” her son again now that he’s “home” even
thou Jim her own husband wants Byron out of the house & to go on home &
start acting like a man rather than on overgrown irresponsible teenager

4)             
Byron’s in denial over his
sarcoidosis & diabetes both diseases which the drinking with the moochers
has brought on & now he’s not even taking his Rxs so Byron’s
putting his health at greater risk although I can see that his vision is having
trouble he’s refusing to go into to see the eye doctor or even his
regular doctors because he doesn’t want to hear from them that he needs
to stop drinking & start taking his Rxs properly

5)             
I’m battling depression
& hopelessness as I see Byron make our credit worse with each payday as he
goes out & self destructs I’m working at not allowing the frustration
I feel to overwhelm me while Byron neglects the unpacking which I’m
unable to do from my limitations from the car accident

6)             
I’m battling to keep my
faith & all these questions which I’ve got popping up in my mind

7)             
I’m exhausted from
Byron’s crazy mlc behaviors,

8)             
I’m fighting at this point
the desire to just divorce Byron & run away from all of this crap,

9)             
I’m struggling to still
love Byron, I mean there’s a level of love which has been lost,

10)       
I’m no longer sexually
attracted to him, I came to that shocking realization this weekend,
Byron’s lost his 2 front teeth, he’s out of shape & too many
times he’s sloppy & unkempt & I’m tired of the whiney lies
he tells as to why he’s not doing what he’s suppose to be doing
while I know the truth is that he’s hanging out with the moochers but
I’m suppose to make love to him simply ‘cause he finally has a
“need”? While my sexual needs for years have been ignored?

11)       
The spirit of “nothing’s
ever going to change so what’s the use” has crept into not only my
marriage & Byron but is working on me very strong lately

 

I’m going to end this now,

there’s just sooo much that seems to be wrong
with this marriage &

I’m just at odds as to fix it right now,

especially in light of the fact that it seems that even
prayers aren’t working

to bring about some positives that are lasting more
than a day or so,

 it’s 2 steps forward & 3 steps back at
this point

 

what I need is some prayers for me to get thru this
roller coaster

I mean it’s only taken one week to get this typed
up

I’m exhausted emotionally as well as physically

 

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