Why I Stay with my MLC Husband

Family members & friends who don’t know about MLC have asked me why I stay with byron after all that has happened in the past 3 yrs of his MLC sickness
 
I made a promise to God is the main reason
I’ve done some research on MLC
& know that in addition to byron being physically sick with sarcoidosis & diabetes & borderline alcoholism
 
byron is mentally sick right now with Mid Life Crisis
which it seems very few people care to bother to read up about or do the barest research on…..
 
it’s way too easy to say forget about it in this current anti-marriage age which we live in –
it seems that families & marriage mean very little any more just as the idea of accountability for your actions or inactions
& passing the blame is the name of the game
& hey just give up & walk away is almost encouraged
 
but as the days go by I’ll be posting some information about MLC as I get the time
 
below is taken from the DivorceBusting website
 
 
 "This Thread is long locked up but I’ve copy & pasted it

HeartsBlessing was a great source of info for helping me get thru this

& not all the newbies know how to look up her posts

seems that alot of people are in need of this info about MLC

I’ll try to copy & paste all of the 6 stages which she describes in detail

please wait to make comments until I’ve finished doing the copy & paste

by the way HeartsBlessing was a DB success story

After this post, I will post the Six Stages of a Mid Life Crisis once again to be bumped-the following is a blanket answer to the many questions that were on the last thread:

I have been very sick for the past week or so, and I haven’t been here to answer any questions.

What I’m seeing, though, is the SAME questions again and again, and the answers are the same as they were before.

 
LET GO, and get on with your life AS IF the MLC’er is NOT in it! That is ALL you can do for now.

Another thing, I saw someone ask why I don’t suggest "dating" and "new relationships". I do NOT advocate committing adultery while your MLC spouse is on his/her journey NO MATTER WHAT they’ve done to you.

You would be betraying yourself, and that is the ULTIMATE betrayal.

A third person can and will complicate things, and keep you from taking your journey to find YOURSELF. This "total rejection" time is for YOU to become what you will be growing into for the second half of your life.

The changes you go through are for YOU, not the MLC’er, so that you don’t take the SAME problems into another relationship IF your marriage fails. Or, if your marriage begins to rebuild, you won’t make the SAME mistakes all over again.

Any changes you make must be PERMANENT, NOT TEMPORARY.

The longer you exercise your changes, the more permanent they will become-and when you change, you will see a difference, not only in your MLC spouse, but in OTHER PEOPLE, too, as these changes will affect EVERYONE you deal with.

Give this TIME, be PATIENT, the answers come from the MLC’er, not YOU, that is why this is so frustrating.

Believe me when I tell you I WAS THERE, IN YOUR SHOES, and I know what I’m talking about.

You want this over like, yesterday, but that will NOT happen, I’m sitting 15 months from the time the bomb dropped, and things are still happening with me and my husband at this time that I cannot talk about right now, but later on, I will.

Even when they exit the tunnel, there are still changes that must occur, and a "settling down" that must take place BEFORE life will continue-and these things still take TIME, PATIENCE, LONG SUFFERING, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, COMPASSION, UNDERSTANDING AND A WILLINGNESS TO "HANG IN THERE" TO SEE THIS THROUGH

 
The longer you exercise your changes, the more permanent they will become-and when you change, you will see a difference, not only in your MLC spouse, but in OTHER PEOPLE, too, as these changes will affect EVERYONE you deal with.

Give this TIME, be PATIENT, the answers come from the MLC’er, not YOU, that is why this is so frustrating.

Believe me when I tell you I WAS THERE, IN YOUR SHOES, and I know what I’m talking about.

You want this over like, yesterday, but that will NOT happen, I’m sitting 15 months from the time the bomb dropped, and things are still happening with me and my husband at this time that I cannot talk about right now, but later on, I will.

Even when they exit the tunnel, there are still changes that must occur, and a "settling down" that must take place BEFORE life will continue-and these things still take TIME, PATIENCE, LONG SUFFERING, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, COMPASSION, UNDERSTANDING AND A WILLINGNESS TO "HANG IN THERE" TO SEE THIS THROUGH.

Don’t any of you understand that you will get the SAME answers, over and over and over?

No one’s MLC is the SAME, but the steps taken to come through ARE the same.

For everything the MLC’er goes through, the LBS goes through the SAME things-each are tested the SAME ways, learning the SAME Life’s Lessons I have preached on, day in and day out for the past SEVEN months.

Our journey, when compared to the MLC’er’s journey, IS NOT THAT DIFFERENT.

And you must ALL be prepared either way this goes-your marriage might make it and it might NOT.

Learn your lessons and grow up, deciding what you will or won’t do, and GET ON WITH YOUR LIVES.

You are wasting time worrying about your MLC spouse-I have been there, too.

They will come forward when they are ready or not.

And you mustn’t get sucked into their drama anymore than you have to.

Learn to stand on your own, if you have not had to do that before-this is part of what you will learn to do.

Go and read my "Sermon’s Thread" it contains ALL the lessons you will need to learn.

And be good to yourselves, I know most of you are NOT sleeping, and are stressed out-I feel for you, I have been there, too.

Gather your strength, though, the road is long and rocky, but there IS a light at the end of the tunnel-and no, it is NOT a run-away train. "

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